i swear, i hate it when you make me have to hit you

insanity ensues. happiness settles in and builds up like heavy snow with a cat curled up against my right thigh, heat sinking.

i notice myself making everything okay and suppressing myself and, finally - FINALLY - it gives me pause.
finally, i stop stopping myself. i'm terrifyingly angry that i became so deeply trained. i was deep inside my little hole in the ground - feeling nothing, seeing nothing, waiting for nothing as time stopped passing. crying, in cracks and breaks, in desperation. for years.
for years.
all of the sudden, i have the night's darkness above that i can see through the well's opening and new air full of everything is drifting down.

r. is expanding my brain and heart in pulses of warmth. my laugh lines continue to deepen as my stomach muscles and arms contract.

i think it's time for me to make more of this excessively pretty, un-puerh puerh.