there's no emotional honesty here

there's something wonderful and amazing (and somewhat unnatural) about the suspension of lime juice chunks in whiskey. cloudy, fluffy, happy keylime bits just hanging out and clotting together, subtly. nearly like finely shredded cotton forming unicorn appropriate landscapes. it's like sipping on a delicious lava lamp.

i've missed you, whiskey.

though i've really felt not much need for you. i would go so far as to say i've felt the desire to avoid you, even. though that has more to do with previous gravy, deep-fried, young-giggly obsessions than anything else.

captured a new contract from a friend/dealer who supports my tea addiction. should be an interesting challenge, since i haven't worked on anything outside of me since april. that makes three new contracts, and nearly no money for any of them. because of this, i am, at least temporarily and uncomfortably pinned down.

i think i really never expected to develop the habits i've developed here. speaking to my five-years-ago-self would be like talking to a histamine inducing pile of antelope dander. and i'm sure the antelope dander would think the same of me. feeling deeply weird and anxious and afraid - the usual. time to decide where it's all headed is coming. and i want less than i've ever wanted before.

see you soon.

and still, it feels better to touch some parts over others. that doesn't seem to stop. when is that going to stop?