"yeah - i'm good, how are you?"

i'm reading this sciencedamn book and i keep having to stop because i keep needing to come up for air.
it's a perfectly timed tome that seems to hurt particularly and specifically. i dive in and read and come up for air and stop and think.
and unravel
i'm losing though, and swallowing more water than i'm breathing air.
sinking deeper each time.
water-weight adding to my own. taking over what's left of buoyancy.
even on a beautiful patch of grass under a shady tree,
things seem to be coming to a close for me, in many ways.
a few things left to deal with though. unfortunately.
feels like a deficit from here - so much more evaporating out than anything condensing here.
your reneging has left me cold. not even lukewarm. it's all so kitten-with-a-broken-leg and poked-out-eye lame of you.

i finally found something on the web that was exciting.
really, truly exciting.
jesus, it's been more than 5 years since that's happened for me.
i tried to pretend it wasn't there too, but the deeper i dug, the more love rolled out and down my ribcage to well up in my crotch for this.

and then back to the book that pulls me under, gripping my ankle and just gently pulling me down with its weight alone.

can't start mah project here. perhaps i actually need buttonwillow for that. i will stop there to feel it up.

i can't tell you how much i need to leave.
and be scattered into a million pieces and never be found again.
that's right, vin.
i'm no organ donor.
my scars stopped healing a long time ago. now, i'm left with massive scratched out divots and discolorations. track records kept this time for the loooong run.
i understand nothing anymore and i'm five inches away from slicing the rounded tops right off your eyeballs and the tips from your fingers.
everything will be blunted soon.

never to return.