like i don't have peripheral vision

you see, with it, i lose a sense of caring where i can hear only just inside my ear
and a smile is something i can never stop, when it comes
and i can just smell the oil heating on a stove
pulsing together with the sound in my ear
and i crumple into a smaller and smaller ball, deeper and deeper into the black world with the heavy fluid consuming that last ray of light tossing me away and waving goodbye.
i think there's something in my mouth
a taste i'm remembering
or trying to remember and force on my tongue

the smell of frying still

i wonder how i didn't lose that toenail from the other day.

i don't have the hate when i'm like this. don't have the capacity

thinking about a long time ago when a man i loved slid his arm around my waist and held on tightly and how
i am just memories now
and warm dark inside