i know it's wrong

np: disgustipated tool
dropped sr. a. at the airport with t. this morning after a night of irritation and no sleep and drove to the beach so he could work and i could stare. it felt like coming home and i hadn't been home in forever.
np: the choke (re-grip version) skinny puppy
so many things are making my stomach knot with nervous energy now. i suppose it was really always, but it feels a little more rapid-fire these days.

i've decided, with t.'s help, that i'm going to force myself to be vulnerable. i'm going to open up wide and smile and hope for the best. or, at least, not the worst. or something kinda good.
np: rodent skinny puppy
looking through oooooold photos last night.
np: capital g nin
and i'm impressed with myself and my misadventures and at the lack of them in the past few years. time to nomad it again, i believe. the anxiety rash i had developed when i was supposed to leave town has left and i'm going to take this as a good sign.
gonna cut like hell soon - need the reset and reboot and the motherfucking mind-break. i can't stay in this circle of thought anymore. i'm getting better, but this one won't let go. i didn't think it would get this bad, but i always underestimate how this works. how this always motherfucking works.
my finger's stab-wound, which had been healing, is now trying to pull itself apart.
np Piano Concerto #2 In C Minor, Op.18 - 2. Adagio Sostenuto (Opening) Rachmaninov
i've been away from the news a little more than i'd like to be.
t. & p. are tolerating me living with them admirably. crash pads are amazingly comfortable to sleep on. better than so many beds i've slept in lately. i just wish i were a foot shorter.
np: There There (The Boney King Of Nowhere) radiohead

i think i'm not good enough. i wouldn't pass some floating imaginary test - like the wrong answer to what your favorite dish is.
np: crippled inside lennon
i think you're wrong. i think that's the worst thing - i can't get over just how wrong you are and i want to fix that the most.
damn messy people.
np: on a plain